A recent issue of New York Magazine explored the sex lives of college students. One article that caught my eye was titled “Why Sex That’s Consensual Can Still Be Bad. And Why We’re Not Talking About It.”
There are protests on college campuses about rape. Politicians and people in school administration talk about rules and regulations in regards to rape. But what if what happens to you just doesn’t seem like rape? What if you don’t want to label your experience “rape”? What if it was just, as this author says, “shitty sex”?
She spends the article talking about power-imbalances and while all that is true, I’d like to point to an even more simple solution.
The sexual revolution inspired and encouraged women to emulate the worst in men. Think about it. Putting aside all that “men have needs” baloney, what do we really think of a man who has an extremely active sex life? Who gets a girl pregnant and then leaves her? Who doesn’t bother getting to know the person with whom he’s intimate? We think he’s a real POS, right? We might laugh, but in our heart of hearts, we know what he is doing is not right.
(If you don’t, you really should rethink your priorities. Physical pleasure never, ever, ever takes priority over the worth of other human beings.)
Years ago, we saw women not being allowed to live to their full potential in the workplace and we saw women not getting a voice in their own lives, so, as part of the solution, we stripped sex of all of its meaning. We took it out of marriage and we separated it from reproduction. Now, we don’t know what the rules are. We have an idea that maybe the rules should be whatever the individual wants, but desires are so fickle and feelings are fleeting. We really, really threw the baby out with the bathwater on this one.
So now my generation fumbles in the dark, unsure of what is right and what is wrong.
He just made a comment that made me feel uncomfortable, what should I do?
She just said “no,” but her body language is telling me something completely different, what should I do?
We’ve been dating for two months, shouldn’t we have had sex by now? What should I do?
Sex feels great in the moment, but once my partner leaves me, I feel like shit. Is there something wrong with me? What should I do?
What should I do?
What you should do is wait until that person is dedicated to you for life. Playing with sex is like playing with fire. It’s fun until someone gets burned. Even if you are somehow immune to the burn, you should withhold out of respect for others.
Really, it’s that freaking simple. Keep it in your pants, my friends.
I really have a feeling that once the dust settles and some future generation resets the rules of sex and marriage, the rules will look a lot like the old ones with, hopefully, some of the flaws ironed out.
Note: Sorry I disappeared for over a month. My other work has been driving me insane.